When Should You Have Sex?

Dating: When should you have sex for the first time?

Sex for the first time... is there a right time? If you think relationship has more potential than just a hook-up, then you know sex on the first date is probably a bad idea. So when is it right? Read on!

So... sex on the second date? What about the third date?

It is the question every new couple faces: When is it time to take your new relationship to the next level and share the ultimate physical connection? In other words... when can you get it on?

If there’s any kind of chemistry between the two it can be hard to ignore.

However, sex – and when you have it for the first time – can be crucial to the future stability of your relationship. Once you have sex you’ve crossed the threshold into a different part of your relationship. The very act of sex itself can either make or break the relationship.

No going back

According to Sascha Rothchild the author of How to Get Divorced by 30: My Misguided Attempt at a Starter Marriage before you take the sex plunge with your new beau keep this mind; the act of sex brings on a moment of intimacy whether you want to admit it or not. And there is no going back from that.

“That moment either solidifies that you want to be with the person and take it seriously, or that moment makes you repell the person and want to run away as fast as possible,” says Rothchild. “If you have sex too soon, both reactions can be the end of what might have been a promising relationship if taken at a slower pace.”

Here are three things you should consider as you make a thoughtful decision about when you should have sex for the first time:

1. Wait to do the deed

There are mythical stories of sex on the first date turning into long lasting relationships, but I’ve never experienced this (and I’ve dated a lot) or actually met anyone in this situation, notes Rothchild. My rule, and it’s a good one, is to wait until the fourth date to have sex. This is assuming you want a relationship and not just fun casual sex. There is nothing wrong with that, but be honest with yourself about what you are hoping for with the specific guy/girl in question.

2. Sex right away sends a message

If you have sex with a guy immediately you’re basically telling that guy that you have sex with everyone you meet immediately (whether it’s true or not) and that automatically lowers your stock, so to speak, says Rothchild. Waiting a ridiculously long time also sends the wrong message, since it’s not the 1800s anymore. After four dates you should have a pretty good feel for the guy and he will have had plenty of time to try and picture you naked, under all your cute date outfits. If, after four dates, you still like each other and want to continue, then go for it.

3. There are very few benefits to having sex right away

Sex right away takes the fun out of flirting, getting to know each other, and building up a little tension. Waiting to do the deed makes a statement that you seem worth it. You seem confident that sex isn’t the only thing you have to offer. And you seem to respect yourself.